Featured

Hell By BETHANY K.

Hell

I can still remember being a young teenager and my mother calling the man’s house who abused me. I didn’t hear the entire conversation but it did consist of him saying he had no part in it, whatever that meant, and his wife telling my mother I was going to hell. I still remember the me going to hell part.

Why do human beings feel so…entitled….so….self righteous….so….on a pedestal? How does any one human being deem another to hell? The wife of a child abuser felt my worth was hell. The worst place anyone can imagine. That is where I was destined to go. Hell. It so easily slips off the tongues of so many and it should not.

In our mind we may think that a person should go to this worst place ever for a number of reasons: They raped someone. They killed someone. They abused a child. They abused an animal. They abused an elderly person. Everyone has their own catergory they put someone in that is sending them straight to hell. If they do this, then they are going there. my neighbor’s kid said my entire family is going to hell because they are Jewish. The supremacy of this child to think she can say something like this appalled me. Yeah, you don’t get to tell me my family is going to hell. Not gonna happen. But I am an adult so I can take these words with a grain of salt. When I was a young girl finally having the courage to tell I’d been abused, going to hell was the last thing I needed to hear.

I don’t have a catergory I put people in that makes me assume in any way that I have any IDEA where they may go after they die. But that is not why people say it. They say it to condemn. They say it to hurt.

My blog post is not about religion and it is not about hell. It is about the hurtful things that one person says to another. What does one get out of telling another person they are going to hell? Some phrases will change nothing in another person’s life. Does it just feel like a good thing to say if you’re angry? I said it to one person. Once. It didn’t affect him. It only allowed me direct my anger. It didn’t feel good after I said it. The OTHER things felt good. He was the man who locked me in his garage and assaulted me. We have the gift of language and words. We can use them in a much better way than flippant judgments. Every other word I felt had meaning, accountability, and strength behind it. The, going to hell part, seemed…weak.

It is a tough phrase for me. I have always been sensitive to it. If I hear it for what I feel would be a justifiable topic or whether I hear it as an insult it rubs me the same way. Because a woman, whose husband molested me, felt justified to tell my mother I was going to hell. I still remember it. I still feel it. I’ve come to the place where I don’t think it should be said.

Say what you really mean. Telling someone they are going to hell just seems so juvenile, so elementary. The man who abused me, his wife deems me to hell. What she really wanted to say was she was furious I was accusing her husband of molesting me. She was so furious and so much in denial that I MUST be a terrible person who should have terrible consequences of my accusations. But all she could come up with in the moment is, I was going to hell. Come on lady.. If anyone is going to hell it would be her husband. Ah…see how easily it can be said. What I really want to say is I have no idea what will happen in this man’s life. But I have more elaborate words. I feel disgust of him. I wish justice would be served. I wish he were in jail. I wish he paid for his crimes against me. And maybe he will…in hell…I know, it is just hard to get around. Which is my point. It is such a used phrase that anyone can be tossed into the sentence with it. It is simply a phrase meant to declare absolute hatred for another human being.

You know what bothers me? I’m not thinking about this man’s life in eternity. I care about right now. It infuriates me that he gets to walk around on this earth at all. He gets to roam freely to hurt others. He gets to enjoy the life with his wife and family. I am upset about his life right now. Whatever happens after this life is not up to me. That is for God.

Hurtful phrases can cut deeply. If you take out the pedophiles and the sex offenders and all the other people in the “bad” catergory they we feel free to send to hell, you are left with innocent 15 year olds who are being told they are going to hell for finally telling the truth. And that is not okay. We have powerful capabilities with the use of our language and words. They should be used wisely, especially with children. 30 years later I still remember that woman’s words. I was going to hell. Her words contributed to my attempted suicide. Her words and the words of many others who chose to minimize and trivialize the abuse. Event those who chose to not speak at all in my defense. You add up the condemners and the silent watchers and you’ve got a perfect storm for a young girl who has actually been through hell.

“Go to hell,” lets do better than that shall we.

NOT MY SECRET...overcoming the shame of sexual abuse

I can still remember being a young teenager and my mother calling the man’s house who abused me. I didn’t hear the entire conversation but it did consist of him saying he had no part in it, whatever that meant, and his wife telling my mother I was going to hell. I still remember the me going to hell part.

Why do human beings feel so…entitled….so….self righteous….so….on a pedestal? How does any one human being deem another to hell? The wife of a child abuser felt my worth was hell. The worst place anyone can imagine. That is where I was destined to go. Hell. It so easily slips off the tongues of so many and it should not.

In our mind we may think that a person should go to this worst place ever for a number of reasons: They raped someone. They killed someone. They abused a child…

View original post 833 more words

Advertisements

23 replies »

      • 🙂 she is being so very loved. I searched every square inch of her tonight to check for fleas or scars, etc, and I found perfect circle marks, scars, wounds that became scars, around her entire neck. My heart just broke for whatever she has been through. I hope this week of love has given her hope that love does exist in this cruel world that she has experienced.
        The family is doing ok. I’ve had to had a pint of blood taken this week and a pint next week since the mayo clinic made me toxic with iron. While trying to save me, these people are killing me! Then someone else tries to save me and who knows if their choice will help or hurt!
        It’s hard to be too upset with a little newborn infant/puppy licking all of our faces. She is 5 years old but I swear not a day over newborn.
        I’m ready to move to that island. I think my husband and daughter will be okay without me for awhile now that they have a puppy!

        Like

      • I am so happy for you both, you found her and she found you. Thats a very special thing, to discover one another. Your health seems to be a full time job, more like 24/7/365. I have faith that you will work it out, you’re here for a reason Bethany, and you do great work daily to give others hope. Your daughter and husband can not do without you, and neither can that gorgeous puppy.

        Like

      • It IS never ending with my health! Thank you for making me feel I have a purpose though. I truly hope I can help others how have gone through abuse feel understood.
        I have had this disease now for 11 years and never gone anywhere overnight. I don’t think my husband or daughter would even know what to do if I weren’t here. I just want …maybeeee….one week on the island being fanned and fed and relaxed. One day!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Well a vacation is something you deserve actually. That would relax your mind, body, spirit and soul and recharge you to return home and be refreshed and energized. Thats something your husband should be all in for arranging for you.

        Our selves need a change of scenery and a small escape from routine in order to miss the normal routine. It always makes us grateful to return home to family & loved ones.

        Now get to work on your island escape.

        Like

      • We couldnt keep the puppy. I became terribly allergic and she was on everything because she was so tiny she’d just jump on everything and wanted love.
        My heart is broken. My husband took her back to the rescue, we were only fostering her to decide if we could keep her. She immediately jumped in the arms of an older woman and the woman had just had her 14 year old die. She adopted jillian right away. Just praying jillian has a good rest of her life. The fact that her beginning was full of abuse makes my heart more sad than i can bear. I hoped i could love all the hurt away. But she only got a week of our love. I hope that was enough.
        Still. Feeling broken hearted.
        My heart is too fragile for this world i believe. Things affect me so intensely. Especially abuse and wanting what is best for an animal or person. NOW I need a happy vacation

        Like

      • Were you allergic with dogs before Jillian? I am sad for you, thats a sorrowful turn of events. I hope Riley is handling the return of the puppy OK. Maybe a rescue puppy with short hair would work for you?

        Like

      • When we were looking for dogs a few months ago and we went into the shelters i would have reactions but i thought it was my allergy to all the cats that were there. I am terribly allergic to cats. But never a dog.
        Antihistamines weren’t working either. May have been all the allergens she was bringing in bc she’s as so low to the ground.
        We are all incredibly sad.

        Like

      • I am sad about that as well. Maybe, if you get another dog, you could first bathe her good to remove dog dander and any cat dander from her coat. There are now some very good dog shampoo brands on the market to help with allergies, or so I’ve been told. Good luck.

        Like

      • We bathed her the minute she walked into the door. Her dander must have just really gotten to me. Maybe it is my other health issues that are making me more sensitive to allergens.
        I realized this morning how badly my body hurt just from lifting her. She was only 12 lbs but i am not used to lifting anything. But she needed help getting off of things.
        Im a wreck. Hopefully a nap will be the cure!

        Like

Reply At Your Own Risk. Leave The Dumbfuckery At The Door.

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s