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58 Things I’ve Learned In 58 Years

Right off the bat this is going to be as hard for me to do as pissing through the eye of a number 6 sewing needle. There’s no reason for a living, or deceased for that matter, soul to give 4 fucks what I’ve learned in 58 years of life.

So why do this? Boredom. It’s 7:33 AM here in Sicily and I am not sleepy at all after redoing 4 bathrooms in this house. Laying shower tile, changing out shower heads. Installing her hardware and mirrors times FOUR. I am not yet sleepy.

So lets get this dog to hunt…..

58 Things I’ve Learned In 58 Years…ABOUT ME.

1. I’m a Sociopath. I’ve had people actually argue with me, or against me, that I am NOT a Sociopath. They didn’t get, that I just didn’t give a fuck what they thought. IF you get this, move to the head of the line.

2. I am addicted to beautiful women. Beauty most likely means something totally different for me, than it does for you.

3. Stupid people make me think of capital punishment, for stupid people.

4. Joining the US military and giving them 9 years of my life: 2nd biggest mistake of my 58 years.

5. My IQ’s the same as the distance in miles, from Chicago to Springfield, Illinois.

6. I hate politics and politicians. I loved, then hated Obama, but with trump, I miss Barack.

7. I am strongly against humans having access to guns. I own 27 weapons/guns/rifles/knives. I have my very own double standard.

8. I have a hair trigger quick temper that I have learned to control. Sometimes.

9. I don’t much like the typical average everyday human being.

10. I’ve lost 2 fights, hand to hand combat things, in 58 years. Both were in first year of high school. I dislike violence. I am good at violence.

Are we done yet?

11. I love being alone. I am not lonely. Does that make sense to you.

12. If a woman does not smell good, really good, I will not notice she is breathing.

13. I scare men and fascinate women. I don’t care enough to wonder why but it does make me smile at times.

14. I fear one thing. I fear Snakes. Fear is a good thing. Alerts us we are alive.

15. I have become slightly OCD since 2008, when I retired.  Not Monk OCD but OCD the same. That surprised me a great deal.

16. I am a Felix type clean freak. If you have no clue who Felix is…..see number  3 above.

17. I discovered I love films, hate movies. The difference confuses you…see NUMBER 3 ABOVE.

18. I hate camping, hiking, bird watching. I adore fishing, and not catching a thing. Love sailing, golf and pool. Hate watching sports.

19. Cooking is the second best thing to do after making love and fucking a gorgeous woman. I meant next to sex. NOT right after sex.

20. I am the best sailor I know. Just think, I made fun of sailors when I was in the military.

Just 38 more of these to go….

21. I have absolutely no patience, except with women and kids. That leaves men and stupid folks shit out of luck.

22. I could eat a pound of bacon every morning, noon, night. Lucky for me I have a tiny bit of common sense and self control.

23. A valuable thing I learned about myself, early in my 58 year lifespan, Never second guess what I feel, what my mind and heart tell me. When the mind conflicts with the heart, I follow my mind. It’s straight razor sharp. My heart has a tendency to be misled. My mind does not.

24. I am a sartorial fool. I have so many suits, dress shirts, ties, pocket squares and socks/shoes that match, I should have owned a haberdashery.

25. I do not like weak, yes, no opinion, unintelligent women. Either as partners in relationships or as friends. Never give up whom you are to be with any man.

26. I have difficult times trusting people who make eye contact. Making unnecessary eye contact tells me that person is trying too hard.

27. I learned early on in life I have the gift/curse of bullshit radar. I know instantly when I am face to face with a bullshitter.

28. I have discovered I am not conventional relationship material. I am damaged goods from 2000 until now.

29. I can not stand to be around bad kids. Bad Kids: children who do exactly the wrong shit in public, from cursing to being uncontrollable to not being able to sit and be seen and not heard, ALL THE WHILE THE PARENTS/PARENT IS OBLIVIOUS AND IGNORING THEIR BAD KIDS BEHAVIOR….cause they have not a clue how to handle a bad child.

30. I discovered I have zero tolerance for racism or racist.  I also stumbled upon my love of antagonizing them on a subconscious level.

31. I absolutely loved being a husband and a father.

32. I was blessed and fortunate to be raised by my grandparents from birth.

33. I can be a smartass at times but not the type that hurts others with my words/actions. Well 63% of the rime, that is.

34. I fight for the under dog, the weak, the innocent, the voiceless.

35. I bathe/shower more than the average human.

36. I wasted 5 1/2 years in college. I had fun, met good people and it was a great experience but it was a waste of 5 & 1/2 years.

37. The 12 years I spent in culinary school were magical years.

38. I have my grandmother to thank for igniting my passion/love for the kitchen and the restaurant business. Every Saturday morning instead of cartoons, I was immersed in learning to cook/bake. My first lesson was making homemade biscuits. I realized she was my heroine.

39. I discovered decades ago that giving my virginity to a MUCH older woman when I was a teenager was the 3rd best thing I ever did in 58 years. She taught me about music.  Fashion. Dancing. How to use what fork with which course. How to shave. How to read books I like. How to drive. How to make love to a Woman and how to fuck your Lady. Those last 2 things are vastly different.

40. I loved being a chef but I would have loved even more continuing my architecture education and drawing plans for homes. I miss that.

Oh man, only 18 more to go……

41. I have learned that I hate TV, LOVE books, tolerate movies, prefer films, adore plays/theater, like the opera….adore dancing.

42. ALL sports, but especially professional sports remind me of slavery. Players of all genders are nothing more than property. Owned and controlled by owners. Once a pro athlete signs a contract, their lives are so close to a slaves life that it is scary. Think about it for a second, slaves belonged to slave owners until that slave owner sold or traded said slave for property, goods or another slave. Now what’s the difference between a pro athlete and a slave…… cash. Slaves were fed and housed.

43. I used to love summer. Now I hate summer, spring, winter. Autumn/Fall is the most beautiful season of the calendar. The colors, the smell of the air, the clouds. Magnificent.

44. I realize Thanksgiving is the holiday I most miss celebrating. Back in the day, we’d have 13/14/15 family members around our table. Never take family for granted.

45. I used to believe wealth was the single most important thing to have in life. A young foolish mindset. Health is worth more than any amount of cash. Blessed to be healthy am I.

46. A great many things that were vitally important to me 20 years ago, mean jack shit to me now. Well I still need the best clothes, the most reliable vehicle and the best tasting food, but the other stuff, it is just shit.

47. I have learned that religion is bullshit. I grew up in the baptist church, my grandfather was a baptist Chicago founder/pastor/minister for 53 years, until his death. YES I am a preachers kid. I saw it all for the 17 years i was in church. Preachers fucking church members. Deacons cheating on wives with choir members, of both genders. Church goers fighting, drinking, getting high. Religion is the cause of 99% of this worlds issues among humans. Think about it.

48. Politics. I have learned, the most difficult way possible, that all politicians and political affiliations are a joke. A joke on us all. Think about why a human being would spend MILLIONS on a campaign to win a job paying less that $275K yearly. Thats MILLIONS spent to get a job paying hundreds of thousands…..above the table that is.

49. I do not like younger women. I love women my age or older. The trick is finding a woman my age who takes care of herself, her body, her mind, her confidence.

50. Grey/silver/salt & pepper hair on a woman’s head is like an Aphrodisiac to me. It’s like a bull seeing a woman in a red dress.

You know, this went a lot faster than I thought…..

51. I miss my wife and child. I think of them every day I breath oxygen.

52. I spent 10 years punishing myself for their deaths, then I snapped out of my funk and started to live again.

53. I discovered I can never be whole again, since losing them to the Grim Reaper, but I can be pretty damn close.

54. I do not have faith in any one god. I am not religious but spiritual. Whatever the fuck being spiritual actually means.

55. I think about things in very different ways as I’ve matured, gotten older, lived 58 years. I have always been a different thinker, but now I am far from ordinary.

56. 3 things I would change in my life: 1). I would have driven that car that day and not stayed home to work. 2). I would never have gotten married and brought a child into this world. 3). I would have kept my afro.

57. I miss my grandparents.

58. Next time I get bored and decide to undertake something as dumbass as this, please stop me.

1977 high school yearbook….now THIS WAS AN AFRO.

If you happened to get through this from 1 to 58….. thank you…..and you need a life.

 

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72 replies »

  1. The issue of children should be seen and not heard has, as you are stating it, a specific value. No one wants to go into a restaurant and hear a child screaming at the top of his or her lungs, or otherwise disrupting an otherwise perhaps enjoyable experience.
    For me, however, that phrase was often spoken by my mother as she sent us children off to our rooms the minute we were brought out momentarily, shown off to the guests, did our curtsy and bows, and then forgotten. Perhaps we would have loved to have the steaks our guests and our parents had while we had dried out hot dogs, or perhaps I would have loved to have shared one of my many poems for a moment, or otherwise have been acknowledged as someone who mattered in the family. But instead, we were “to be seen and not heard.” That pains me to this day, for I was an intelligent child, knew how to behave with the best of them, and could easily have eaten one of those delicious steaks and all the trimmings. I still feel cheated out of so much of my childhood, for it was made to seem colorless.
    There WAS one time when my mother apparently found one of my poems and read it out loud to the guests, laughing at the end about her “crazy” daughter and then tearing it up.
    There is a point in time where all children need to be honored, respected, and honestly appreciated. The child will do the rest.

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  2. Okay, so I loved this! I loved all of your answers, your thinking and your blatant honesty. I’m especially with you on #23 #25 and particularly #27 as my bullshit radar takes about 30 seconds of one opening their mouth for me to size them up. #45, of course! Without health we got nada – speaking from tooooooooo much experience. Lastly, I’m so terribly sorry for your loss of your beloved family. And I’ll add that I was thrilled to read this whole post and get to know a little more about you. May I say I’m not surprised? After all, I’m pretty good at pegging people. 🙂 🙂

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    • I’m just pleased you read the entire thing. 58 things about a person can be dull and boring. Knowing a person as soon as they open their mouths is tricky but when you know someone by their words, well you are rarely fooled or mistaken. It took me 23 minutes to write this post but the entire time I was writing it, I was “this close” to deleting it as well. It makes me smile that you enjoyed this. Thank you so very much Ms. DG. You’re a genuine sweetheart. 23/25/27 were so very easy to put on paper, so to speak.

      Liked by 1 person

      • How could I not read it? Lol. It isn’t often we get a look behind the curtain! I’m a people person so perspectives always interest me. Glad you didn’t delete. As a memoir writer I can say that it takes a certain kind of courage to bare ourselves to the world. 🙂

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      • Courage often requires a certain concern for the safety of ourselves. The man I have become over decades is the type that never considers safety of myself over doing what I believe needs to be done. As one of my heroes once said, I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees. Enjoy a wonderful Sunday and may your week ahead be as beautiful as your smile.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. This was definitely worth the walk. Thank you. And yeah, that was one cool afro. Im afraid this will only allow me to use Word Press to comment. Sadly. I have the account but not a blog there. Ah, well.

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  4. Amazing how much you and I have in common. I am truly sorry about your wife and child; more sorry than I could ever express!
    I think I’ve already mentioned that you looked totally cool with that afro.
    P.S. Love the word “catagories”! 😻

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  5. It’s so nice to read about your life! Now I know a bit more about the man who honors me with reblogs. I’m so sorry to read of your loss. One can never understand the pain of losing loved ones, in a horrendous way, unless you’ve experienced it. I know your wife and son are shining down on you. Thank you for sharing yourself. That’s not an easy task. ❤️😊

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  6. We have much in common, Jueseppi. I am spiritual and not religious, and I love being alone. I also think that all politicians are a joke, and that health is worth much more than money. Great post! Will re-blog.

    Like

  7. Unlike the TMI post, I was able to make it thru this post… I have a life, so I guess you can call me stupid, lol. Now I know why you post so many recipes, which is way cool. I wish I would’ve gone to culinary school, cooking is a hobby I enjoy. My condolences for your loss. Take care, keep cooking, live and continue to share! ✌🏻

    Like

    • Hello Ms. Kelly. Now I am so very curious how you made it thru this post, a much longer one than the TMI post. Cooking. Thats a passion much close to my heart. I am glad you cook and even gladder you approve of this post. I mean who wants to publish stuff folks can not make it thru to the end reading? Wishing you a beautiful 2018 and a magnificent week.

      Liked by 1 person

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