Right off the bat this is going to be as hard for me to do as pissing through the eye of a number 6 sewing needle. There’s no reason for a living, or deceased for that matter, soul to give 4 fucks what I’ve learned in 58 years of life.
So why do this? Boredom. It’s 7:33 AM here in Sicily and I am not sleepy at all after redoing 4 bathrooms in this house. Laying shower tile, changing out shower heads. Installing her hardware and mirrors times FOUR. I am not yet sleepy.
So lets get this dog to hunt…..
58 Things I’ve Learned In 58 Years…ABOUT ME.
1. I’m a Sociopath. I’ve had people actually argue with me, or against me, that I am NOT a Sociopath. They didn’t get, that I just didn’t give a fuck what they thought. IF you get this, move to the head of the line.
2. I am addicted to beautiful women. Beauty most likely means something totally different for me, than it does for you.
3. Stupid people make me think of capital punishment, for stupid people.
4. Joining the US military and giving them 9 years of my life: 2nd biggest mistake of my 58 years.
5. My IQ’s the same as the distance in miles, from Chicago to Springfield, Illinois.
6. I hate politics and politicians. I loved, then hated Obama, but with trump, I miss Barack.
7. I am strongly against humans having access to guns. I own 27 weapons/guns/rifles/knives. I have my very own double standard.
8. I have a hair trigger quick temper that I have learned to control. Sometimes.
9. I don’t much like the typical average everyday human being.
10. I’ve lost 2 fights, hand to hand combat things, in 58 years. Both were in first year of high school. I dislike violence. I am good at violence.
Are we done yet?
11. I love being alone. I am not lonely. Does that make sense to you.
12. If a woman does not smell good, really good, I will not notice she is breathing.
13. I scare men and fascinate women. I don’t care enough to wonder why but it does make me smile at times.
14. I fear one thing. I fear Snakes. Fear is a good thing. Alerts us we are alive.
15. I have become slightly OCD since 2008, when I retired. Not Monk OCD but OCD the same. That surprised me a great deal.
16. I am a Felix type clean freak. If you have no clue who Felix is…..see number 3 above.
17. I discovered I love films, hate movies. The difference confuses you…see NUMBER 3 ABOVE.
18. I hate camping, hiking, bird watching. I adore fishing, and not catching a thing. Love sailing, golf and pool. Hate watching sports.
19. Cooking is the second best thing to do after making love and fucking a gorgeous woman. I meant next to sex. NOT right after sex.
20. I am the best sailor I know. Just think, I made fun of sailors when I was in the military.
Just 38 more of these to go….
21. I have absolutely no patience, except with women and kids. That leaves men and stupid folks shit out of luck.
22. I could eat a pound of bacon every morning, noon, night. Lucky for me I have a tiny bit of common sense and self control.
23. A valuable thing I learned about myself, early in my 58 year lifespan, Never second guess what I feel, what my mind and heart tell me. When the mind conflicts with the heart, I follow my mind. It’s straight razor sharp. My heart has a tendency to be misled. My mind does not.
24. I am a sartorial fool. I have so many suits, dress shirts, ties, pocket squares and socks/shoes that match, I should have owned a haberdashery.
25. I do not like weak, yes, no opinion, unintelligent women. Either as partners in relationships or as friends. Never give up whom you are to be with any man.
26. I have difficult times trusting people who make eye contact. Making unnecessary eye contact tells me that person is trying too hard.
27. I learned early on in life I have the gift/curse of bullshit radar. I know instantly when I am face to face with a bullshitter.
28. I have discovered I am not conventional relationship material. I am damaged goods from 2000 until now.
29. I can not stand to be around bad kids. Bad Kids: children who do exactly the wrong shit in public, from cursing to being uncontrollable to not being able to sit and be seen and not heard, ALL THE WHILE THE PARENTS/PARENT IS OBLIVIOUS AND IGNORING THEIR BAD KIDS BEHAVIOR….cause they have not a clue how to handle a bad child.
30. I discovered I have zero tolerance for racism or racist. I also stumbled upon my love of antagonizing them on a subconscious level.
31. I absolutely loved being a husband and a father.
32. I was blessed and fortunate to be raised by my grandparents from birth.
33. I can be a smartass at times but not the type that hurts others with my words/actions. Well 63% of the rime, that is.
34. I fight for the under dog, the weak, the innocent, the voiceless.
35. I bathe/shower more than the average human.
36. I wasted 5 1/2 years in college. I had fun, met good people and it was a great experience but it was a waste of 5 & 1/2 years.
37. The 12 years I spent in culinary school were magical years.
38. I have my grandmother to thank for igniting my passion/love for the kitchen and the restaurant business. Every Saturday morning instead of cartoons, I was immersed in learning to cook/bake. My first lesson was making homemade biscuits. I realized she was my heroine.
39. I discovered decades ago that giving my virginity to a MUCH older woman when I was a teenager was the 3rd best thing I ever did in 58 years. She taught me about music. Fashion. Dancing. How to use what fork with which course. How to shave. How to read books I like. How to drive. How to make love to a Woman and how to fuck your Lady. Those last 2 things are vastly different.
40. I loved being a chef but I would have loved even more continuing my architecture education and drawing plans for homes. I miss that.
Oh man, only 18 more to go……
41. I have learned that I hate TV, LOVE books, tolerate movies, prefer films, adore plays/theater, like the opera….adore dancing.
42. ALL sports, but especially professional sports remind me of slavery. Players of all genders are nothing more than property. Owned and controlled by owners. Once a pro athlete signs a contract, their lives are so close to a slaves life that it is scary. Think about it for a second, slaves belonged to slave owners until that slave owner sold or traded said slave for property, goods or another slave. Now what’s the difference between a pro athlete and a slave…… cash. Slaves were fed and housed.
43. I used to love summer. Now I hate summer, spring, winter. Autumn/Fall is the most beautiful season of the calendar. The colors, the smell of the air, the clouds. Magnificent.
44. I realize Thanksgiving is the holiday I most miss celebrating. Back in the day, we’d have 13/14/15 family members around our table. Never take family for granted.
45. I used to believe wealth was the single most important thing to have in life. A young foolish mindset. Health is worth more than any amount of cash. Blessed to be healthy am I.
46. A great many things that were vitally important to me 20 years ago, mean jack shit to me now. Well I still need the best clothes, the most reliable vehicle and the best tasting food, but the other stuff, it is just shit.
47. I have learned that religion is bullshit. I grew up in the baptist church, my grandfather was a baptist Chicago founder/pastor/minister for 53 years, until his death. YES I am a preachers kid. I saw it all for the 17 years i was in church. Preachers fucking church members. Deacons cheating on wives with choir members, of both genders. Church goers fighting, drinking, getting high. Religion is the cause of 99% of this worlds issues among humans. Think about it.
48. Politics. I have learned, the most difficult way possible, that all politicians and political affiliations are a joke. A joke on us all. Think about why a human being would spend MILLIONS on a campaign to win a job paying less that $275K yearly. Thats MILLIONS spent to get a job paying hundreds of thousands…..above the table that is.
49. I do not like younger women. I love women my age or older. The trick is finding a woman my age who takes care of herself, her body, her mind, her confidence.
50. Grey/silver/salt & pepper hair on a woman’s head is like an Aphrodisiac to me. It’s like a bull seeing a woman in a red dress.
You know, this went a lot faster than I thought…..
51. I miss my wife and child. I think of them every day I breath oxygen.
52. I spent 10 years punishing myself for their deaths, then I snapped out of my funk and started to live again.
53. I discovered I can never be whole again, since losing them to the Grim Reaper, but I can be pretty damn close.
54. I do not have faith in any one god. I am not religious but spiritual. Whatever the fuck being spiritual actually means.
55. I think about things in very different ways as I’ve matured, gotten older, lived 58 years. I have always been a different thinker, but now I am far from ordinary.
56. 3 things I would change in my life: 1). I would have driven that car that day and not stayed home to work. 2). I would never have gotten married and brought a child into this world. 3). I would have kept my afro.
57. I miss my grandparents.
58. Next time I get bored and decide to undertake something as dumbass as this, please stop me.
1977 high school yearbook….now THIS WAS AN AFRO.
If you happened to get through this from 1 to 58….. thank you…..and you need a life.