Words Of Wisdom…..

YES. You read that correctly. Your eyes are NOT fooling you first thing Monday afternoon. I, The Militant Negro, are giving out advice, let alone RELATIONSHIP advice.

See this image above? I assume every healthy SINGLE man/woman is seeking a healthy relationship, so why do women, and I am speaking directly to women because I do not date men, why do women tend to bring every past relationship baggage along for the ride when embarking on a brand new relationship. Thats not really a question.

Since becoming a single healthy red blooded male in 2000, when my wife of nine years died, I have been in a plethora of female relationships. Some platonic, some not so platonic. I’ve had lengthy conversations with women who I happened to have been involved romantically with and some not romantically involved, most times concerning men from their past. The one constant in almost every talk has been…….MEN ARE ALL JERKS.

That consensus is certainly false but women believe it to be factual. Speaking for the men on this planet, some women are a bit clueless as well. And while all men are jerks, EVERY woman tends to carry an SUV full of baggage from EVERY relationship she has encountered since birth. They have daddy issues. They have high school boyfriend issues. They have that first true love issue(s). They have “he cheated on me so you will also” issues. 

So here comes the advice, from a man who does not ever give advice, so pay close attention………… The very next man you meet, date, get involved with romantically…. DO NOT DUMP YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIP SHIT ON HIS BACK. SHOULDERS. HEAD.

I understand men can be jerks, but lets be totally real here, not every man you meet is an exact copy of the one before him, and if he is an exact copy, then YOU are choosing the WRONG men/man. Break that cycle and choose a totally different man type. That next guy is a new task, adventure, episode in your life of relationships so treat him like you would a fresh book you open to read.

When you start a new book, or pop a new DVD into the player, you are not expecting to see the same exact story……are you. SO WHY DO YOU EXPECT TO HAVE THE VERY SAME EXPERIENCE WITH THIS NEW MAN…..that you have had with the past men.

Stop it. Just DON’T Do It. Do NOT start treating this new man like you THINK he is going to treat you. Like the other guys treated you from your relationship past.

Don’t do things to facilitate you getting into a break up when it could have gone totally different. Listen up closely cause here comes the solution.

Treat all new romantic relationship as if they are your very first romantic relationship and you have NO PRIOR KNOWLEDGE OF MEN OR HOW MEN ARE, HOW MEN TREATED YOU IN THE PAST because you HAVE NO PAST WITH MEN.

Ladies, you gotta treat men whom you meet, date and get involved with as if they are a fresh canvas and you are going to paint your first masterpiece. Bring nothing from your past painting into your new project. I’ll be simple and crystal clear. Do NOT assume your new man is a carbon copy of your last man. Do NOT burden him with the tons of bad shit from those jerks from your past…… Or. You. Will. Get. Dumped. At the very least this new relationship will fail.

Don’t be afraid to try something different. IF you bought 4 dresses from a dress makes and all 4 dresses never fit well. They NEVER made your butt look sexy. Would you continue to buy dresses from THAT dress maker….OR FIND A NEW, DIFFERENT. BETTER DRESS MAKER?

Do not give up…..

It can and will happen for you if you give this new relationship a fighting chance.

And guys………….

Stop being jerks. Cause some of you ARE JERKS.


32 replies »

    • Well, since I don’t really converse with men, and I never have dated men, I can not answer that question. I have had very very few men friends in my lifetime. Mostly Ladies have been my friends. Can’t explain why that has been either.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. There are professional counselors who say that it takes half the amount of time to get over a relationship, as the relationship lasted. That means if a relationship lasted 5 years, that it will take 2.5 years to get over the baggage. When people do not give themselves time to get over the baggage, they bring it with them into the next relationship and the pattern continues.

    Men too speak of past relationships, but their purpose is generally to convey what they want. Women on the other hand, speak of past relationships to convey what hurt them and what they don’t want. Yet, there are men who listen to figure out just how much and for how long they can get away with things.

    People move too fast now-a-days. They don’t give themselves time to get to know each other well because they want to jump into cohabitation and commitment before they even know if they have things in common.

    Liked by 1 person

    • People also continue patterns that lead them to continue to choose the wrong type of partner. As I said, if you, man or woman, repeat choosing the wrong man/woman and continue to have the same results…..it would seem its time to rethink how you choose and whom you choose.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Xena, I don’t always agree with the experts not that I’m one but I don’t think one should constantly dwell on a bad relationship. It ended for a reason. I’m not saying hate the other person but I say when it’s over. Let it be over and move one. People need to quit dragging it back into their life or into their heart. When you take the trash out you don’t go to the dumpster and pull it out and look at it, wallow in it or think about it. Conveying this on a few dates is far too much information. That can signal to a date you are not ready to move on and the person is wasting their time dating you. Most people I see crying about someone left them haven’t lost anyone to death.They think it’s the same thing but it is not.It isn’t even close. I agree, people move too fast nowadays. After one movie they call themselves a couple. Knowing absolutely nothing about their date other than she or he is cute or handsome. It takes a mature couple who have lived life and knows exactly what they want to move that fast and it work. Having a sting of broken relationships doesn’t constitute maturity nor experience in love.


      • unholypursuit, when the experts say that it takes half the amount of time to get over a relationship as the relationship lasted, it pertains to all baggage. For instance, I was married 39 years until my husband died. That means I have about 10 more years before I should look into getting into a serious relationship. I highly respected my husband, and I don’t anticipate that any man wanting to date me would want to hear all the good things I have to say about my marriage. It could easily make a man of low confidence feel that he could never meet my standard. That’s one side of the coin.

        The other side of the coin is, my husband made sure that I was provided for. I sincerely do not know if I got into a romantic relationship if I could respect a man who would assume that all he needed to bring to the relationship is his clothes. Neither am I willing to walk away from what I have. I’m still in love.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ok, I understand, they meant the baggage. Well, I don’t hold on to baggage from relationships. Why should I clutter my mind and heart with someone who didn’t want me or didn’t see how unique I’m? I say when still in love with that other person it is best not to date. Don’t try to use other people as a substitute for the one you really want to be with. I wouldn’t know about the baggage part, I guess I was lucky the first time around. But I still say the same thing I tell my girlfriends. Close one door and open another. You can’t see what in front of you for looking at what’s behind you. Sure, experiences hurt us all. They make us all grow and we learn from them. But I don’t think the next person could be measured by the same yardstick as the previous person. I tell my girlfriends to wait and see what he’s about before giving your heart, life and soul to someone. If he truly wants you he will do all the things for you that a man should do. If he doesn’t pr won’t then he don’t want you. I think too many people (men and women) tolerate jerky behavior so they won’t be alone, and players (men and women) know this and take advantage of it. Self-love is needed in a lot of relationships. Too many want instant gratitude today. They aren’t willing to work on a relationship. Yes, a lasting one is a lot of work. Although my marriage didn’t last 39 years before he passed away, but I know where you are coming from. Once you have known real love you can’t accept anything less. Each person I have dated afterward I tried not to make the man feel he had to compete with a ghost because a living person can never compete with a perfect memory. When a spouse dies we remembers only the good things they did. The bad things become irrelevant. Most mature people, people who are actually looking for a relationship don’t mind hearing about your past (the good and the bad) once you have been dating a while. But don’t jump right into that on the first date. Someone who cares about you cares about all of you not just the parts pertaining them. But don’t make a religion of professing your love for your ex or deceased spouse. Don’t go moping around and with everyone you meet the entire evening is a conversation about your ex or decease spouse and how good or bad they were. That drive others away. That’s not love. That’s an obsession. Focus on the person in front of you. I think you and I are perhaps a few of the blessed ones to find a lasting love. I don’t mean lower your standards. Hold true to them but each person who comes into your life is going to be different and treat them accordingly. There’s never going to another one just like the deceased. No two people are alike. And if we honestly think about it. Our deceased spouses wasn’t perfect. We loved them faults and all. I will admit the dating norms of today, I don’t fully understand them. People do not court anymore. No romance, no flowers, no nothing but sex. People don’t even dress up anymore. They show up looking like something the cat drugged in out the yard and expect you not to slam the door in their face. LOL! Just because a person accepted the date while you wore your everyday clothing doesn’t mean you ‘can’ show up looking like that. That’s a reflection on what you think of the person you asked out or you are already in a committed relationship. You have a right to be careful. There are people who will prey on how well off your deceased husband left you. But not every single person will.


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